On Passing you (a note to car drivers) -
It's not just that you're not going fast enough. It's not just that your car smells bad. It's not just that your belligerently over-sized SUV blocks my view of every apex of every corner as you hit your stupid brakes at all the wrong times demonstrating that you have never driven a car for enjoyment in your life. It's all of these things and more. You're in my way! If you had even an ounce of soul remaining you would simply move over. If you weren't there I could keep a nice steady pace and actually enjoy your state's beautiful pavement. This fog is not a deterrent for me the way it is for you. I can see fine because I am not in a box with a window in front of me. Your car is an affront to me. If it isn't blocking my path with it's bulbous ass and incessant brake lights (which should never be seen at the exit of a corner) it is pulled into my path by you, narrowly missing a chance to end the life I am enjoying, only to go slower than the human mind can imagine. I am not interested in a chance to see the ocean, I am here to harvest adrenaline from the ether. I am here to melt the painted lines off this road so highway workers may earn their keep. I am here for such a brief time. The least you can do is stay home when it's my turn to make the coastline flash by at the speed of light. I promise I'll see it. Perhaps as I sleep I'll be struck dumb by the beauty of this nearly uninhabited coastal stretch. Rest assured, the acres of beautiful seaside pastures supporting livestock and wild game will unexpectedly move me to new emotional highs. This will likely happen as I sit with my cats, as I play video games, or as I read about riding during the endless New England winter. You see, we all process things in our own way. You gawk, I pass through quickly and process later.
So - don't wave your fist at me as I pass. I had time, and it was a passing zone. In the event that it wasn't a passing zone, I still had time and passing zones were designed with low performance cars in mind. And for gods sake don't pull up next to me 45 miles after I pass you, as I refuel, to yell at me. This shows a lack of class and it means I will have to pass you again if you leave before I do. Had you sped by with your middle finger blazing in the sun (or fog) and made an effort to gain some distance on me I would have found a new respect for you. Finally, I'm not riding your ass hoping you will speed up. Don't get nervous and start driving all weird. I am riding your ass because I am waiting for my chance to pass you quickly and safely. It will come soon and it will be a relief for both of us. Take solace in the fact that it wasn't personal and I am now having fun, without your car in my way.
To anyone out there who moves over - Thank you so much. It is appreciated. The wave we all give you when you do that is a demonstration of the most sincere elation. Have a nice day.